Monday, June 6, 2011

Hell Yea!

Ok so as some, I think most, of you know I lost a very dear person to me.

This is my cousin, Paul. My sweet, handsome, rough cousin who was always on my side. And he was the type you wanted on your team because he would do anything for you. But if he was against you, well he was a typical redneck. Always drinking when he was out with friends, starting fights at the drop of a hat. He had a drug problem growing up. He has been in and out of rehab. And Life never took him. He was always right there on the edge laughing at death. Probably kicking death's ass. But he always made it through. He has two little boys, a teenage girl, and a son who is not really his but calls him daddy because Paul was so good to him. Paul was getting better. Rehab did it this time. Pulled him off that edge and he stayed off the edge for almost two years. In that two years, he called me every week. He was my escape when there was none. A shoulder to cry on when I was too scared to talk to anyone else. He always said I was different. "A City Girl With a Country Heart". That is what i was to him. He always told me I had the intelligence and talent and beauty to make it in the big city but I would always be the girl people came to and could be themselves and relax. He made me proud of who i was. I have been having a rough time so he was going to take me out on the boat saturday. He left a voice mail before he died. I love you sis! That was the first time he ever called me sis. And He was part of the reason that I was going to be ok. because he was there for me. He was one person I did not have to take care of and our friendship and love was not one sided. He listened. He gave advice. He cared. He did not talk at me. He talked to me. And now, he is gone. People knew him as the epitome of fun and happiness. He did not care what anyone thought or said. He never knocked on a door because he knew where he was welcome. He was amazing. And I will always miss him. It will always be hard. It will always be bad when I see things that remind me of him. But I won't cry. I will laugh and smile and say "Hell Yea" because I know it will be him sending me messages telling me "it's going to be alright sis". I love you Paul!

The preachers at the funeral reminded me that there are only three days we need to worry about:
Yesterday:What was done yesterday cannot be changed or altered in any way. We may have regrets or memories but we can only learn from them. So we are not to live in yesterday.
Tomorrow: We are not guaranteed tomorrow. So if want to say something to someone, we need to do it right now. Today. In this moment. Because..
Today: It's all we have.


  1. Pix that is so moving he would be proud...very proud...use your life to make him even more proud.
    Why dose this happen to people just starting new lives ?
    He left a legacy, take comfort in that
    Love Stace♥

  2. I don't know you; but I would be proud to - you seem like a very gentle person. Paul sounds like a wonderful soul... the fact he took to you says a lot about you, remember that - he must have been equally proud. I look forward to many more laughs in TCS... my sincere condolences Pixie.


  3. Aww .. am so sorry Pixie. I just know that now he will always be watching over you. ♥
    Take care.

  4. Very moving post and well written.

  5. You have an award pick it up here
    Love Stell