There is hole inside every person. It needs to be filled just like an empty well. Without it being full it has not meaning. I want to have meaning. If i sit back and think about my life, it is one of pure beauty. I have a husband who would kill for me, a son who loves me unconditionally, a family that is so close noone could break our bond, and I can pay my bills. So why then am i needing more? What inside me longs for something else? Why then do i long to have a different life?
Simply put, it is because all that i have is not what i want. I always thought my life would be different. I would be the talented one who could live her dream and become someone in the world. I would see the world. I would live like no other. I would have a whirlwind romance. I would grow because it was my choice. Instead I am forced to grow into a woman I never thought I would be. I never thought of myself as the stressed out person I am today. I make myself sick over the silliest things. I know you don't love me but yet I pine for your attention. What is wrong with me? I ask myself often, if i were really in a different place would i be happy? Would I be the person I had always wanted to be? I can't honestly answer that question. I can't honestly say that my life would work out better. Maybe I would be looking for the life I have now. Maybe as humans we are preprogrammed to be unhappy. To always want is greener on the other side. Because we think just that. That the grass is always greener. But maybe when we get to the other pasture it will be just as brown as the one we are in. And then where do we go? Because we sure cant go back to the other pasture. Maybe we need that chase for the rest of our lives. Maybe we need that drama. Maybe we need that push to always have more. But then how will we ever be truly happy?
Peace, love and caramel coated dreams!