Even when things are breaking down at my feet, I do not need to hear that it will all be ok. I just need a warm hug, a light kiss, time away.
Have you ever felt in life that words are just not enough? Saying I love you means nothing without the actions behind it. Saying I hate you means nothing if you still want that person around. Saying you are happy means nothing if you are crying in the shower where noone can hear. Its just a facade. We, as humans, say things and try to make others believe that things are a certain way. And sometimes we even want to convince ourselves. But deep inside things are completely different. Why are we afraid to tell people that our life is not as it should be? Lets say this, I dont believe that you should cheat on your spouse or anything. But I do not think bad of the people who do. Because if and when they do, they are keeping that facade. Trying to make family and friends happy while at the same time trying to fill a void. Whatever that void may be.. They feel the void so they want to fill it up with something. They take the romance, love, desire, need, want or anything else they feel and they look for it elsewhere. Alot of my friends tell me "if I am going to cheat i am going to tell my husband first and get a divorce". No you wont. Not if you have invested that much time into him and your family. You would rather be unhappy on the inside. But I want to be happy on the inside.
I am trying so hard to find a happy medium in life where i can be happy and those around can be happy. I have lived all my life constantly striving to make everyone around me happy. To the point of exhaustion and I look back on my life and the only person that truly loves me and cares if I am happy constantly is myself. Even my child (who is a mamas boy all the way and is my whole heart) does not care whether i have enough sleep as long as he gets his cartoons and his cereal in the morning. Noone is going to care about you until you care about you.
SO why stop there.... Why not go after everything you want? Maybe you dont find it one person... maybe you dont find it one thing... but is it really ok for you to spend this one life that you have being unhappy on the inside? Who cares what they say?
Goodnight....
Peace, Love and Caramel Coated Dreams
All life is a hole that needs your thoughts. Here is where you come in. Let my blog be your hole and fill it up!
Well said in your post.....
ReplyDeleteYou are a true romantic...remember Camille ?
You love your Son to bits but your life as you see it is not enough.
Are you thinking of the romantic hero ?...to come and sweep you off your feet you might think you want that.... but instead you have reality.
I think that instead of looking for true passion in a relationship.
You have to look for true passion in your life, that means as you know....to be true to and kind to yourself.
Because we all have to work for a dollar... try working with something you are passionate about....now I don't know what that is....think about it....what makes you happy in life? is it helping people, is it giving advice, is it writing, making something,,,,, what?
Once you work that out you are not just a wife and Mother.... then you can give without resentment and that is the biggest blessing of all [no I am not a religious zealot]
It is easy to think or say these things but hard to practice.
You seem quite young with a lot on your shoulders, don't put too much expectations on yourself ie: The Perfect Wife, the perfect Mother, the perfect Lover, the perfect Daughter just try to go with the flow but live a true life,
let go of the expectations others have of you and concentrate on yourself...one step at a time, start by saying no....no I wont do what you want, no I will have time out etc and slowly your TRUE self will emerge.
You have plenty of time and are far too hard on yourself
Hugs to you you deserve it
Stell
It's true, we all wear masks to a degree. Sometimes several depending on who we're around. The personas we project don't always match up neccessarily with who we are inside.
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