Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hard to try, but harder not to...

This weekend was one of great trials.
Friday I heard from my husband through text. I should tell you that a while back some really bad things happened to me, and to put him out of his misery I got divorce papers drawn up. Then I found out I was pregnant and we decided to try harder. Anyways, he texted me "I am bringing my stuff back home. I am not signing these papers. Stop being ridiculous. You need me." Those words hit me hard. I did need him. I needed him to listen, I needed him to care, I needed him to fall back in love with me. I needed him to want me in his life. I need to fall back in love with him. It was so hard to sleep. It was so hard to breathe. Maybe I was jumping into things. Maybe I was too hard on him. I mean after all, a man cannot be expected to just be head over heels for one woman the rest of his life? One man cannot have all that pressure. One man cannot expect to be treated with the abundance of care that he was getting and not want more..
I finally cried myself to sleep. Wondering what I did wrong. But I woke up with a slightly different attitude. I did need him. But he did not need me. And now my son needs me. And I need him. Not my husband, but my son. I would never keep my son from my husband. They love each other to the ends of the earth. Of that I am sure. But to hear that I am being ridiculous all because I am finally going through with this shows me that he does need me. He just has too much pride in that hard head of his to tell me. But he does not need me like I needed him. He needs me to do laundry. So i woke up. Played with my son. Had a decent time. And then I decided to sign the papers. I texted him and told him he was not coming back. The papers were signed and it was done. We then had a couple of hours of texting due to me not answering his phone calls. And he still thinks i am not serious.
To top it all off, it made me act like an idiot in the forum. It made no sense and I could have done without all the stupidness. But i got over that too. I am a grown woman. And I do not want a man or need a man who is going to play games or not take me serious. I am through with it.

I see through your eyes the way you want me to be..
Perfection at its finest..
But I want you to see through my eyes the way I want you to be..
Just the way you are.
That was enough for me until you changed.
I guess now, the gleam in your eye tells me you want me to change..
but I am perfectly content the way I am.
I guess that is where the real problem lies. You used to be my perfection and i have always had to struggle to make it to yours.


  1. @Pixie: He needs you.
    It is the man's language to say You need him.
    But in reality, he needs you more than you know.

  2. I made you a cheer-up video/sneak peek at my next film to he uploaded: The Punchmaster Finds Love.